Junkman’s movie review – the avengers

the storyteller

statutory warnings-spoilers,explicit language.

so here’s the deal,

marvel comics’ avengers is a superhero dream team,assembled by nick fury (samuel L jackson)-head of S.H.I.E.L.D.(another secret organisation,among the already blah millions of those working in the usa/hollywood movies),in simple terms he is more like a manager who can hardly manage superpowered cowboys,so they have the iron man,ofcouse,who couldn’t have guess, the movie- iron mans’ success is the reason that this one is out on grand payperview,& they have the hulk,who is more like the saviour of more than half of the sensible action sequence,they have the demi god thor,another superhero from outer space planet,good looking,but no girlfriend,runs around proclaming himself as the protector of earth with his hathoda (hammer),
and then.. they have this guy called,captain america,who is a “superhero”,okay! lets see, he cant fly,he needs a fucking parachute to jump,he has a shield that he uses for defence,he is not quick,he is not superbrained,he has no superlaser or any super vision in his eyes,or an offensive body mechanism or to a desperate measure-even a body spasm,that should qualify him as superhero,naah! this guy is more like a supersoldier,but he runs around with his vintage costume that his grandma bought him decades ago,he calls himself captain,as if!?.. crap! now everybody has to call him captain on board,not because he is captain,but his name is captain!! thats his first name now!
also,there’s some story about him being found on ice,they keep on repeating this in the movie,its nothing important and just eats the movie footage,cause he is not contributing anything to the team except panicking & asking others what to do,they should go here & there to stop a crisis! he is a crisis himself!

then there’s agent,black widow( scarlett johansson),super hot,crazy wachko martial arts skill,intelligent, and there’s hawkeye,more like a “teer-kamaan man” (bow-arrow man),so teer-kamaan man is loosely inspired from john rambo, he is a super agent,with his explosives stuffed in his teer-kamaan,he runs around with super accurate aims,he is still better that captn. america,as he carries no hopes with him to the audience level,he is shit! whereas captn. america is super shit!

okay so team is complete,which is far from graceful than the x-men or the dc- comics’ justice league…

now the crisis– so every super hero team needs a crisis,in this case its the Tesseract’s power on earth,which is nothing but like the transformers’ cube,it can open time portal,its has infinite power, thats all you can get to know about it,in the movie.

the villian– loki,thor’s brother,outer space planet god,wants to control earth(like every other bad guy),carries a super stick which makes him superpowered, he wants to use this cube like thing to unleash his army on earth.

the army– this army is a wannabe deceptacons(from transformers),their description is not clear,they are not enough detailed on colour,texture,madewith material,spacebeing classification,so its a turn off! they do have a big caterpillar, and flying open planes with “the army in it”.the army concept is not so clear,its not really thrilling to watch, for which you have waited all long 2 hours.

the final battle stand flaws

*teer-kamaan man,black widow,captn. are all fighting in open, middle of ground,with no protection, no cover,as you can get to see in the movie,that this army is attacking from all sides,they stand all along,untouched,black widow has gone too far with her skills,and teer- kamaan man is standing in open,never locked on by any of “the army”.

*where the fuck is the united states army?? sea marines?? f-22’s f-16’s,paramlilitary,no!! all they will give is the patrolling police cars with fat cops & tiny handguns.

*shield- overrides all protocols,is running the show,running the world,is super-most in command,no role of president,or international peace keeping forces(as shield is a peace keeper org.),this was also a turn off! no multi-level involvement is shown,except the cameramen & news people.

* hulk is shown too powerful in his first face off in the battle.

the things to notice

*iron man is their teams’ jack of all trades,he is intelligent,gizmo freak,superskilled.

*story has a lot of decourse at times, un interesting backgrounds,unwanted people,not successful to harness emotions at different points.

*captn. is the black sheep of the group,he is an embarrassment to the title-superhero.

*faceoff of superheros’ with each other is stil better.

so,ten point analysis for this superhero action movie-

2-background story,2-crisis,2-overall action,2-vilian,2- final showdown

they get-

1-story,1-crisis,1-overall action,1-villian,1-final showdown & additional 0.5 for hulk’s final scenes.

so 5.5/10-is junkmans’ rating.

comments-one time watch,dont be so hopeful,this analysis is critical,

* kyunki mere paise barbaad ho gaye*(my 45% percent ticket cost is down the drain).


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